Dispute is an inherent feature of human beings. Pretty often, though not in every case, a dispute is battle of ego, which is a stimulated with the degree of negative energy. Negative energy completely destroys a person by making him slave of "I." People want to win the arguments/cases on the pretext of "I am right." Being a mediator at ADR Center, Sargodha, I have already accomplished the target of more than two hundred successful mediations in a couple of months and I believe that every dispute carries within itself certain points leading towards the solution. Being mediator, its my duty to bring those points to the limelight so that the parties may see them with an open mind and in a broader perspective. This post purports to figure few options to dismantle the ego of the parties in dispute before us at ADR Centers.
Before hitting the heart of this post we need to keep in mind two factors. First thing is that we at ADR Centers of Punjab may receive references of civil, family and compoundable criminal cases as broad categories. Secondly, we have thirty days time for civil and criminal cases and fifteen days for family cases to settle them either it is successful mediation or failed one.
I positioned the ego in disputes referred to us in three main classes. Firstly it is the ego between husband and wife or their families in a family case. Secondly it is the ego between brothers and sisters or between other blood relations in land disputes or sometimes criminal cases due to or independent of land disputes. Lastly it is the ego between the neighbors or people of the same locality having lobbies or different political/religious affiliations. Ego is present in all these scenarios regardless of its extent and force. Not in all cases it is the ground for cause of action in court cases but in many it is apparent, so, if we want to reach the goal of successful mediation, we need it to fade away.
I discussed in my earlier posts about what happens practically when parties first appear before mediator at ADR Center and they are so charged up that sometimes they start fighting. Mediator makes them at ease and starts the process. After first statement, parties are so much relax. Then, when separate meeting are started, parties are so comfortable and convinced that they get fully involved in the process. They themselves forget that they were fighting and it happens that they also count and mention good qualities of the other party. This goes on if the process is orderly.
An important rule to be kept under consideration is ego fades away with passage of time and change of scenario, so, do not hurry up. Wait for the right moment to strike. How does the time pass and similarly how does the scenario change? Initially parties were fighting case in the court. They approach the mediator and sit there in a joint meeting. After that, they sit in separate meetings with mediator leading to final joint meeting and conclusion of settlement agreement. To my mind, passage of time and change of scenario are two grounds for adopting this process. Process must be orderly. This signifies that we the mediators make the parties at ease and tell them that the things are confidential here and none of them shall disclose anything to the court and even the court shall not ask about those things upon failed mediation proceedings. Upon completion of opening statement of mediator, scenario starts changing and off course time runs alongside.
Once I started the day with an opening statement and joint meeting with a husband and wife in dispute. In first joint meeting parties were at daggers drawn particularly the wife. Things went smooth. After separate meetings, they both agreed on one point agenda. Finally came the joint meeting. I had already called my stenographer. During final joint meeting husband said something very ordinary and in response to that wife said that she hates him and does not want to live with him because he is always unfair. She was so blunt and angry that with anger she started crying. She further said that she wants divorce. This was a patience testing moment for me as the efforts of two hours seemed to be of no result. Suddenly the idea struck my mind and I said to the parties that I need to go to another meeting so I cannot conclude these proceedings today. I called the administrator and asked him to give them time after two days. I gave the parties few tasks to think upon, work out, consult with their family members and return back with the ideas to which they responded in affirmative and left. After two days they returned and agreed on one point agenda in the only joint meeting conducted that day.
In another criminal case, there were two real brothers in a land dispute which also led to a criminal case. When for the first time they appeared before me, they were not ready to sit on chair next to each other. I asked them to sit according to plan. They did so but showed negative body language. This reference took almost ten days to come to an end and in those ten days they visited me thrice for meetings in both joint sessions and separate ones. On the last day they hugged each other and cried. They were very emotional at that time and told me that it is after almost six years they hugged each other.
The model of mediation introduced by Honorable Chief Justice Lahore High Court Lahore Mr Justice Syed Mansoor Ali Shah is court governed mediation, which is showing wonders. Mediators in court governed mediation have got different challenges as compared to private mediators so we need to build up our strategy according to the policy provided to us in the Bench Book for mediators. We have got fifteen days time for family cases. If I try to finish things out in one day, I will be wasting my time and energies. Being practical, if I observe that things are not going well, I may give parties a shift of time and delay them for a day or two or may be a week if I got fifteen days. Same goes for civil and criminal cases in which we have got thirty days time. Keeping in mind the time factor, we need not to hurry up rather sharpen ourselves patiently and hit at the right time to achieve the target.
Comments and feedback is required...
Yasir Hafeez Awan
Civil judge-Accredited Mediator
ADR Center Sargodha
Before hitting the heart of this post we need to keep in mind two factors. First thing is that we at ADR Centers of Punjab may receive references of civil, family and compoundable criminal cases as broad categories. Secondly, we have thirty days time for civil and criminal cases and fifteen days for family cases to settle them either it is successful mediation or failed one.
I positioned the ego in disputes referred to us in three main classes. Firstly it is the ego between husband and wife or their families in a family case. Secondly it is the ego between brothers and sisters or between other blood relations in land disputes or sometimes criminal cases due to or independent of land disputes. Lastly it is the ego between the neighbors or people of the same locality having lobbies or different political/religious affiliations. Ego is present in all these scenarios regardless of its extent and force. Not in all cases it is the ground for cause of action in court cases but in many it is apparent, so, if we want to reach the goal of successful mediation, we need it to fade away.
I discussed in my earlier posts about what happens practically when parties first appear before mediator at ADR Center and they are so charged up that sometimes they start fighting. Mediator makes them at ease and starts the process. After first statement, parties are so much relax. Then, when separate meeting are started, parties are so comfortable and convinced that they get fully involved in the process. They themselves forget that they were fighting and it happens that they also count and mention good qualities of the other party. This goes on if the process is orderly.
An important rule to be kept under consideration is ego fades away with passage of time and change of scenario, so, do not hurry up. Wait for the right moment to strike. How does the time pass and similarly how does the scenario change? Initially parties were fighting case in the court. They approach the mediator and sit there in a joint meeting. After that, they sit in separate meetings with mediator leading to final joint meeting and conclusion of settlement agreement. To my mind, passage of time and change of scenario are two grounds for adopting this process. Process must be orderly. This signifies that we the mediators make the parties at ease and tell them that the things are confidential here and none of them shall disclose anything to the court and even the court shall not ask about those things upon failed mediation proceedings. Upon completion of opening statement of mediator, scenario starts changing and off course time runs alongside.
Once I started the day with an opening statement and joint meeting with a husband and wife in dispute. In first joint meeting parties were at daggers drawn particularly the wife. Things went smooth. After separate meetings, they both agreed on one point agenda. Finally came the joint meeting. I had already called my stenographer. During final joint meeting husband said something very ordinary and in response to that wife said that she hates him and does not want to live with him because he is always unfair. She was so blunt and angry that with anger she started crying. She further said that she wants divorce. This was a patience testing moment for me as the efforts of two hours seemed to be of no result. Suddenly the idea struck my mind and I said to the parties that I need to go to another meeting so I cannot conclude these proceedings today. I called the administrator and asked him to give them time after two days. I gave the parties few tasks to think upon, work out, consult with their family members and return back with the ideas to which they responded in affirmative and left. After two days they returned and agreed on one point agenda in the only joint meeting conducted that day.
In another criminal case, there were two real brothers in a land dispute which also led to a criminal case. When for the first time they appeared before me, they were not ready to sit on chair next to each other. I asked them to sit according to plan. They did so but showed negative body language. This reference took almost ten days to come to an end and in those ten days they visited me thrice for meetings in both joint sessions and separate ones. On the last day they hugged each other and cried. They were very emotional at that time and told me that it is after almost six years they hugged each other.
The model of mediation introduced by Honorable Chief Justice Lahore High Court Lahore Mr Justice Syed Mansoor Ali Shah is court governed mediation, which is showing wonders. Mediators in court governed mediation have got different challenges as compared to private mediators so we need to build up our strategy according to the policy provided to us in the Bench Book for mediators. We have got fifteen days time for family cases. If I try to finish things out in one day, I will be wasting my time and energies. Being practical, if I observe that things are not going well, I may give parties a shift of time and delay them for a day or two or may be a week if I got fifteen days. Same goes for civil and criminal cases in which we have got thirty days time. Keeping in mind the time factor, we need not to hurry up rather sharpen ourselves patiently and hit at the right time to achieve the target.
Comments and feedback is required...
Yasir Hafeez Awan
Civil judge-Accredited Mediator
ADR Center Sargodha
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